Series: My Wife (Episode 5)

MY WIFE: episode 5

MADAM BOLA: Tosin! Tosin!! Oluwatosin!!!!

TOSIN: ma!!!

MADAM BOLA: come here!

TOSIN: go spread these clothes for me.

MADAM BOLA: auntie Adaku washed, so there’s no space to spread them.

MADAM BOLA: Ko gbogbo won Sile! Ode omo Igbo yi. A ji laaro a sa gbogbo aso e ki Awon eniyan ma ba raye! Mi o mo idi ti won o fi duro si ile won. Awon Yoruba lo ni ilu eko (Put them all on the floor! Stupid Igbo girl. She wakes up early to spread her clothes so that there will be no space for anyone else!
I don’t know why they can’t stay in their land. Lagos is Yoruba land!)

TOSIN: but ma…

MADAM BOLA: I said put them on the floor! Are you mad!!!

(Tosin did as her madam said. At 6 o’clock, Adaku who is madam Bola’s tenant was coming back from work when she saw all her clothes on the floor. Unsure of what happened, she decided to ask her landlady)

ADAKU: good evening, ma. How was your day?

MADAM BOLA: eh! Good evening

ADAKU: I just wanted to ask if you know who put all my washing on the floor. I just saw them all on the floor and some have been stepped on by kids…

MADAM BOLA: what do you expect eh? You think you can use your Igbo sense to say what happens in this yard? This yard belongs to my husband and I. Lagos state belongs to us Yorubas not you, omo Ibo!
You wake up early to wash and spread your clothes so that no one else will wash in this yard! I did it and I am not sorry about it!

ADAKU: really madam??? Did you have to put them on the floor? I left my laundry basket on the side just in case someone wanted to use the space. All you could have done is put my clothes in there, instead of leaving them all on the floor.

MADAM BOLA: heeee! Omo Ibo!???no single respect! So you expect me, a mother to put away your laundry abi??? Hian!!!! You have some guts, don’t you! Do you know who I am?? Do you know I have a girl your age? If Funmi were to be here right now, I would have asked her to teach you some life lessons!
She is your age mate but she is married. Why are you not married, ashawo!

ADAKU: is this about me being Igbo, or have I done anything else to you?

MADAM BOLA: don’t question me! Go to your state and question your mother. Nonsense! Every morning you go out and come back at night. Nobody knows what exactly you do. My daughter is a graduate and she has started her masters in her husband’s house! You are here dragging Laundry space with me. Oloshi!
Get out of my face joor!
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NKECHI: dede, my flatmate is travelling to London from here. I was just wondering if she could spend 2 nights here since she is travelling through Abuja airport.

EBUKA: when is her flight?

NKECHI: Sunday night.

EBUKA: speak to Funmi about that. Whatever she says stands. I’m off to work ?

NKECHI: chai! See how much authority bestowed on this fat Yoruba girl! Odiegwu o! (Goes upstairs where Funmi was getting ready for uni)
Good morning, Funmi

FUNMI: morning, Kechi.

NKECHI: Jessica is the name. Thanks.

FUNMI: sorry.

NKECHI: no worries. Anyways, I want to get Your royal ascent so that my friend who is travelling to London can spend two days with us . She is travelling through Abuja airport ?

FUNMI: no problems, she can come.

NKECHI: (sarcastically) Thanks ma’am (runs inside her room to tell her friend?????)

AMARACHI: hello, babe. What’s up!

NKECHI: I no tell you say something go stick? E don happen! Well, the underground work is done. Here is the plan! You are travelling to London from Abuja airport so you would stay with us from tomorrow. On Saturday, evening, get Oscar to call you to say that your flight has been cancelled and the next available flight is next week Monday.
That way, we buy more time to do our thing. My brother would be on annual leave from tomorrow!

AMARACHI: gurl! You baaaad!

NKECHI: agwarom gi! (Did I not tell you!) Don’t forget, my brother is a sucker for beautiful legs, and this is something you are blessed with. Get them bumshorts washed and ironed. No long gown biko????

AMARACHI: hahahahaha?????? trust!

NKECHI: seriously, my brother cannot resist a girl with beautiful legs. This Yoruba girl has good legs but nothing to compare with yours. My brother literally worships any female with nice legs. At the sight of a good pair of legs, Ebuka will bow.
God punish inter-tribal marriage!

AMARACHI: amen o! ???

NKECHI: done your hair?

AMARACHI: I’ll do it today

NKECHI: See you tomorrow

To be continued